This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
