I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
