I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
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