Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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