Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
