My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
