He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
