booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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