its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The air was thick with penises
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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