dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
