Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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