I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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