i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
