Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
