Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
