UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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