Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
