sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
