also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
