Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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