Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
