I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
