You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Who did Billy Mays play for?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
