I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize