i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
