The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
