his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
