Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
