I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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