So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
