It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
