I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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