So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
