I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
