you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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