My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
