What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
