There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
