i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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