And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
