I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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