he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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