Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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