I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
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