I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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