I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
