I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I believe in your delicious
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
