You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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