My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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