My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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