Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
