dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
