i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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