Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Randomize