i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
