i think my tv is drunk
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
