so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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