it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
