New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
