K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
