No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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